Do you really expect to get a date with a picture like that? Pictures from guys looking for dates, but with no sense of aesthetics. Or, what's happening behind you tells us more than you might wish.

I just find these pictures on the internet. They are treasures because 1) the guy in the photo is the one taking the photo, trying to make himself appealing 2) the background is so appalling it must be memorialised. Thus the exquisite irony. Trying to put your best foot forward, but unknowingly repelling your potential dates. And NO, I'm not gonna hide your face. You're the one who put the picture out for the universe to see in the first place.

Friday, October 23, 2009

We have a winner!

This is probably one of the more fucked up ones I've seen.  These pictures were discovered over time, and gradually appended to this post.  So, it's a long post, but worth it.
We've got:

  1. Lace Curtains ( Do you know the difference between lace curtain Irish and shanty Irish?  The lace curtain Irish move the dishes before pissing in the sink.)
  2. Teddy Bear shopping bag
  3. Fast food soda cup
  4. a barrier to keep the kids from falling down the stairs, still in the box.  or they are just keeping the box, which is even worse.
  5. laundry.  But at least it's folded.
  6. kid-sized rocking lawn chair, a scaled down version of what the proles use to sit on the porch
  7. the rocking chair has laundry draped on it.
  8. two shoes, unmatched
  9. stained level-loop carpeting, what you would find in a cheap office space
  10. Wolf tattoo, with shading
  11. "freedom" tattoo, and most of all,
  12. an ugly dick with a weird bend in the shaft. 




Second image discovered:
I found another image of our hero.  It's the same guy; check the armband tattoo on the right arm.  Unlike other commentary sites, I'm not going to stake an ownership claim on an image that has been floating around for ages.





Then I found an entire portfolio!!
Even more!  Normally guys stay in one place, and move around in different poses.  This guy went all over the house/trailer/pigsty.









Then we went outside for several walks, on different occasions.  Note the change in footwear and light color.  What is interesting about the footwear is that you can't take pants off over the boots.   This means our hero got naked, then put the shoes back on for his walk.  This also means someone was with him to take the photos.  These are not self-timer shots.  The framing is consistently correct.   This becomes interesting as we read on...



Careful with that cigarette, you might set the leaves on fire.



 









Unlikely to get to the other side of the tracks.











No, it's not going to stop.  It's just going to get better....






Now to show off his pride and joy, something that the girls will cream over, the ATV:














I thought this picture showed the weird hook in his pecker, right behind the knob, so I looked a little closer.    If I came across a dick shaped like that,  I'd come up with some bullshit reason to leave.  "I have to get the clothes out of the dryer."

The ATV has a K-N sticker on the side.  K-N makes cheap air filters that you find in car parts stores.  Supposedly they make your car faster.  I guess he though putting the sticker on his ATV would make him more sexy?

On closer inspection:
WEDDING BAND!!! 








Wow.  He's married.   When I saw the first picture, I thought he was some unmarried guy living at his sister's, sleeping in the basement, trying to get a date by taking a picture in the living room, which is filled with clutter and jun.


Suddenly he went from 'stupid straight guy' to someone who has my sympathies.
Here's why:
If you go to Wal Mart in a rural area, you will notice a pattern in the couples.  The guys look like this, skinny, not in bad, but not in great shape.  Ink.  The wife will be fat and sloppy.  Poor guy, I imagine after the first brat, Darla Sue said, "I've got him tied down now! I can eat ice cream and watch stories all day, and he won't leave me!"

This is his fate:

After the first child:



After several more:







nosedive into the inferno:




 doom.







Let us all be thankful for how easy we've got it.












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